I am so frustrated right now!! I just had a slight epiphany...
So, my dad, who sacrifices all of his time to watch my babies, called me to tell me he was going to run late to pick up Olivia because of traffic. He just simply wanted me to call the school so they would have her by the office. I got so frustrated. I called my mom, who painstakingly watches Hudson all day long. I vented to her, she got mad at me. After our interchange, I realized I wasn't frustrated at dad. I was frustrated at ME!
Because I work, it requires my mom and dad to sacrifice all of their valuable time as retirees to watch my children. Now, I stayed home the first 2 years of Hudson's life. So, this frustration comes from me being frustrated with ME! I want to be the one picking Olivia up each day...I want to be the one comforting Hudson...I want to be the one kissing those scraped knees...the first to hear about the day at kindergarten. I want to be the one to experience all of this, but our finances at this point just simply won't allow it. I am blessed beyond measure because my parents willingly wake up early, sacrifice their nice, clean house, and watch my children. My dad has to plan his entire day between 8 & 2:30 so that he can be available to get Olivia. How lucky am I? I never have to call in sick because of my kids, I never have to worry about them being mistreated, nothing. I get to drive up, take Hudson in the house in his pj's and drive away. I know that each need will be met, better than at home most of the time. I also know that my children are going to have fabulous memories of their grandparents. They are always going to feel important because they have the best GiGi and PaPa around. There will never be the thought that I have had so many times of whether or not their grandparents even cared! They are so fortunate!
I am the ridiculous one! I, yet again let my frustrations put a damper on my mom's self-esteem. I, yet again griped at dad for not being there. Truth be told, my daddy is ALWAYS anywhere I need to be at any given time. My mom is always willing to take the kids at a moments notice, no matter how she feels. So, hopefully I can explain this to mom and dad, and they will understand and accept my apologies. I feel like a real idiot this time....I just let me get in the way again.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please please just help me to see how unbelievably fortunate I am to have my mom and dad. I thank you for them, and all they have done for me. Thank you for the way they raised me, and thank you for the love they have for Hudson and Olivia. I truly don't know where I would be without them, help me to show them that each and every day!
Amen
This is just more, dirty old crusty Amy....
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
My purpose
As a child I grew up in a very noisy home. When we got mad, we screamed, yelled and got it out. As an adult I realized I didn't really want all the screaming in my house. On May 9, 2005 God blessed me with a beautiful little girl, Olivia. I promised myself at that point I wouldn't be a screamer as I raised my children. I wanted to always stay level headed and never have my children feel what it felt like to be screamed at. And, that was in the first hour of her life....boy did times change.
Over the last couple of years my house has become the most chaotic place on earth, 90% of the time I won't even allow some one in the front door of my home. This is one of the most frustrating things in my life. This is one of the number one reasons I yell and scream. I just haven't had the energy or stamina to get everyone to take their part. I know you say, why on earth would you put that on the web for all to read, but this blog is about finding me...the dirt and the grime come with that. I said on a previous post that Unsolicited advice had challenged me to develop my purpose statement. As I started going through the questionnaire she provided I realized I was failing in many areas. There are so many areas in my life that would be so much less chaotic if I would just get organized.
The first question was is your house an embarrassment...Well, DUH!! Yep!
The list kept going on and on causing me to really question myself. I realized that the yelling and the screaming I do because my house is a mess, isn't everyone else's fault. It is ME, I am the one yelling and screaming, I am making that poor choice. No one listens, everyone just stands with their mouth hanging open staring at me. How utterly effective is that?? Um, not so much....
So, here goes my purpose statement:
I want my children to look back on life and remember a calm, clean, loving environment where mommy took time to play. I want them to always be proud of who their mommy is, and how she took care of them. I also want to get back to being proud to be me, comfortable in my own skin, ready to entertain on a moments notice. I want to be my husband's Help Mate, and make him love being with his family. I also want loving God and depending on him to become the focus of my home.
Those all seem like such lofty statements, but I really do look forward to finding ME...Come join this journey with me.
Over the last couple of years my house has become the most chaotic place on earth, 90% of the time I won't even allow some one in the front door of my home. This is one of the most frustrating things in my life. This is one of the number one reasons I yell and scream. I just haven't had the energy or stamina to get everyone to take their part. I know you say, why on earth would you put that on the web for all to read, but this blog is about finding me...the dirt and the grime come with that. I said on a previous post that Unsolicited advice had challenged me to develop my purpose statement. As I started going through the questionnaire she provided I realized I was failing in many areas. There are so many areas in my life that would be so much less chaotic if I would just get organized.
The first question was is your house an embarrassment...Well, DUH!! Yep!
The list kept going on and on causing me to really question myself. I realized that the yelling and the screaming I do because my house is a mess, isn't everyone else's fault. It is ME, I am the one yelling and screaming, I am making that poor choice. No one listens, everyone just stands with their mouth hanging open staring at me. How utterly effective is that?? Um, not so much....
So, here goes my purpose statement:
I want my children to look back on life and remember a calm, clean, loving environment where mommy took time to play. I want them to always be proud of who their mommy is, and how she took care of them. I also want to get back to being proud to be me, comfortable in my own skin, ready to entertain on a moments notice. I want to be my husband's Help Mate, and make him love being with his family. I also want loving God and depending on him to become the focus of my home.
Those all seem like such lofty statements, but I really do look forward to finding ME...Come join this journey with me.
2011 - Verse to Dwell On
"You're blessed when at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule."
Matthew 5:3MSG
Matthew 5:3MSG
Unearthing Amy...the beginning
This blog is simply my way of holding myself accountable to find ME this year.
The last couple of years have been years of many lows, with a few highs. I have been praying about what I could do to make 2011 a year of more highs than lows. God has revealed to me that the more I draw into him and become the woman he created me for, the more highs I will see. So, I am going to give it up, and draw as close to Him as I can. I want to go back to ME!
The last several years, since I had children, I have lost myself. Between sleepless nights, feeding the kids, playing with the kids, cholic, sickness, keeping up the house, attempting to make our ends meet, and all of the things that go along with it, I am just not sure where I am. I strive to be the woman God wants me to be, but between it all I have not taken the time to draw closer to him.
Today I discovered a new blog, Unsolicited Advice and was challenged to find my "purpose". She is running a feature of One Year to a {More} Organized Life. I am taking it, and plan on finding me among all of the chaos in life!
So, here I go...
The last couple of years have been years of many lows, with a few highs. I have been praying about what I could do to make 2011 a year of more highs than lows. God has revealed to me that the more I draw into him and become the woman he created me for, the more highs I will see. So, I am going to give it up, and draw as close to Him as I can. I want to go back to ME!
The last several years, since I had children, I have lost myself. Between sleepless nights, feeding the kids, playing with the kids, cholic, sickness, keeping up the house, attempting to make our ends meet, and all of the things that go along with it, I am just not sure where I am. I strive to be the woman God wants me to be, but between it all I have not taken the time to draw closer to him.
Today I discovered a new blog, Unsolicited Advice and was challenged to find my "purpose". She is running a feature of One Year to a {More} Organized Life. I am taking it, and plan on finding me among all of the chaos in life!
So, here I go...
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